Building a Firm + Stable Foundation...

J could care less if I left the room at any of his classes.  He practically gave me the cold shoulder when I dropped him off at daycare (well, except for that one phase when he changed classrooms). Day 1 and day 2 of his first week at preschool was all hunky dorie. And then there was day 3.

I have learned that there seems to be three types of kids when it comes to separation; 1) don't you dare leave my side 2) peace out and don't let the door hit you on the way out 3) somewhere in the middle.

Our school believes in a gradual separation, so there is a phase in period of about 2 weeks.  Half the class comes in for an hour on Day 1 and 2.  Then the entire class for a shortened day on Day 3, 4 and 5.

Day 1 and 2 J was his typical "peace out mom" personality.  

Then Day 3 came. He became the "Don't you DARE leave my side" child.  Who is this child?  I was completely taken aback with the atypical behavior of my normally incredible independent child.  As I sat with the other 4 parents/nannys left in the room, I started to break out into a nervous sweat.  Not really sure what the heck I was supposed to do with this clingy child that was practically hiding behind my skirt (if I was wearing one). Tears.  Constant check ins. When I moved to another chair, all of a sudden J is turning toddler chairs upside down because he thought I was leaving.  Woah.

Somehow, I took this as a reflection on me, when it has almost nothing to do with me... well, actually it was that I did not fully prepare him for this transition.  It was my fault.  I did not expect him to have any separation anxiety so the advice from the seminars I attended as part of a welcome/orientation to the school, I just ignored.  Shame on me.  

Nap time. The sitter came, I ran to the library to see if the books that the school recommended on separation were available... of course not!  Ran to the closest book store and found one of the two recommended books. And ran home. We read "The Kissing Hand" about 5 times between that afternoon and the next morning. I also did some googling and took the practical advise I found online of rituals.  I also took the additional advice from the seminar that I remembered; Take a backpack that he likes and use that as his school backpack. Create a ritual. I thought back to the one time when J had a hard time adjusting to a new class at daycare. I talked through with J what we were going to do when we entered the classroom, take off backpack, hang up backpack in his cubby, then kiss goodbye and go play! Check, check, check.  

Day 4...I made large assumptions that I would be in the classroom again, so I brought my little blank book to start writing my yoga sequences for the next week sessions.  J insisted on wearing his hat and also walked to class versus in the stroller. Sure I said. We entered (more like he dragged me to school and into the classroom) and we did what we talked about.  Take off backpack, hang it up in his cubby, kiss goodbye. I sat for a moment, and he was engaged in something immediately. So I waited a little bit, and told him I was going to get a cup of coffee and that I will be back.  30 minutes later I came back, said I was back like I said I would be with a cup of coffee in my hand (as proof to him-he's pretty smart).  A few minutes later I told him I was going to go potty and that I would be back at the end of class.  Bye.  And that was it. Day 4 was a different day and a different J. ​​

Getting to my late afternoon yoga class to teach was a little struggle.  J was very clingy again.  The school said this could happen... regression.  I was finally able to get out the door and ran to my class.  As I started the class and asked my students to deepen and start to come into their breath, I did the same.  Throughout the class as I instructed on setting a firm and stable foundation in their legs and feet, I thought about how that was reflecting in my life and this journey. 

I am creating a firm and stable foundation, slowly, for my son in his entry and path into education.  It is his first introduction into a real classroom environment and this school that we have selected firmly believes in a gentle separation so that it is not traumatizing. I thought about how proud I was of him today.  With his straw hat, red aviator sunglasses and his boat shoes walking into his new school.  Our new school.  I learned so much today... this week... That the experts that give you advice, use it.  I listened but thought that we did not need to do any of these things.  Boy, was I wrong. 

Doing things slowly is a lot harder.  Pulling a bandaid off slowly- painful.  Slowly coming and out of handstand with clarity and solid foundation? Much much harder than just springing into and out of it. But much safer in the long run.  And this is how I started to think about J's introduction into preschool.

It's like that person you see on the street or in a store, so put together in every way. Make up, clothes, bags, accessories...  You assume that their job, family, relationships are pretty put together too. But this person may be the most out of sort person that you may come into contact.  They just look that they have it all together.

I thought that J had this separation thing all together and in control.  Somehow, somewhere, I forgot that he was a 2 year old boy. A toddler, really a baby. And the experts are experts for a reason.  They know a thing or two, about a thing or two. And shame on me for not executing their suggestions.

As I closed the yoga session with our hearts open and lifting, our chins bowing to our rising hearts, I gave thanks for my shortcomings and the ability and clarity (that I get just once in a while) to look beyond and within. My hands were facing down on my legs tonight as we closed for a calming grounding sensation.  Reminding myself that it is my job to create the firm and stable foundation for this baby, this toddler, this boy.  And I better take that darn serious.

And Day 5 of preschool is another day for me to build that for him. And for me.

Namaste.